Single Mama Blues

being the only child of a single mama, i've had trouble with sharing, my entire life. i don't tend to play well with others, i don't like to lend out my stuff, i always want the biggest piece of cake and if anyone is ever mean to my mama, i kick their ass ON THE SPOT. i've tended to be a fairly possessive partner to my husbands and lovers (in a totally passive aggressive way - i don't think they ever KNEW i was possessive, they just thought i was bitchy) .. regardless, i've always managed to make it work, somehow.

BUT now i've discovered that i'm turning into a possessive single mama. i'm having trouble sharing my kid. how ridiculous. so, here it is :

i must realize that just because frith loves someone else, doesn't mean she loves me any less. love, as the old saying goes, is the only thing you will have more of, the more of it you give away.

Cookies

These cookies are my third favourite thing in the world.
This is also the very first and only recipe I have ever mastered.

Chocolate Chip Cookies

Preheat oven to 375

Cream:
1/4 cup butter
Add gradually and beat until creamy:
1/2 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup white sugar
Beat in:
1 egg
1/2 teaspoon vanilla
Stir and sift in:
1 cup and 2 tablespoons sifted all purpose flour
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp baking soda
Stir in:
1/2 cup chopped nuts
1/2 cup chocolate chips

Drop the batter on to greased cookie sheets in teaspoon sizes and bake for about 10 minutes.

Mmmmm...
(courtesy of The Joy Of Cooking)

Kissing

I learned something today.
If you want to be the best kisser ever, kiss from your toes.

Try it.

I dare you.

Something to Chew On

Change is good but sometimes it takes some getting used to.

For instance, say you're force fed beets with every meal for years and years and then suddenly one day, no more beets. It's going to take some adjustment to realize that the beets are gone. You can see that there are no longer any beets on your plate and your fingers are no longer stained red, but the taste of beets will linger on your tongue for some time.

For the next few meals you’re going to be expecting the beets because as far as you know meal equals beets. You may even flinch if there is something round and red on your plate. But slowly, day-by-day, you’ll get used to the beets being gone. It’s very doubtful you’ll ever miss the beets and perhaps, one day, they’ll come back in a different shape or form, but if and when the beets come back it will be your choice to eat them or not.

Green No-Beet Borscht

1 lb Sorrel

1 lb Spinach

1 lb Pork sausage (spicy)

2 1/4 Quarts beef stock

2 Onions, chopped

1 Carrot, chopped

1 Celery stalk, chopped

2 Potatoes peeled and chopped

1 Tbls Fresh Dill, chopped

1/2 Cup Heavy cream
4 Eggs hardboiled, Sliced

1/4 Cup Sour cream

1/4 tsp black pepper

Bring the beef stock to a boil.
While the broth is warming up, brown the sausage in a skillet Drain the fat and pat dry with paper towel to remove as much fat as possible.
Add the sausage, onion, carrot, celery, sorrel, spinach, potatoes and pepper and boil for 10 minutes.
Reduce heat and simmer for an hour.
Remove from heat.
Stir the cream and fresh dill.
Serve with a slice of egg and a teaspoon of sour cream.

(from http://www.netcooks.com/)

Grammar

I find lately that I'm abbreviating my writing style, throwing together contractions where there were no contractions before.
What will becomes what'll, why have becomes why've and who are becomes who're. I only use the last one if someone else has paid for dinner.

Siblings

I'm the baby in a family with 5 children. On top of which I am that late-in-life, we-thought-we-were-done-but-oops! kid. I have a brother 8 years older than me, a sister 11 years older, another brother 13 years older and another 15 years older.

It was odd because it was almost like growing up an only child with a lot of uncles and an aunt. By the time I hit my teens my brothers and sisters had all moved out and I only saw them on holidays. Even now that we're adults, when we all get together, they exchange stories of crazy teen antics I did not partake in and memories of family events I was in diapers for.

That exclusion is a hard part of being the youngest, by a mile. However it's bareable and expected. And being a late-in-life baby for my parents, who are now in the mid 70s means I won't have them in my life as long as my siblings, and I have accepted that. But what has happened that was unexpected and I can't seem to accept is losing my siblings before my parents. My oldest brother died of lung cancer before he hit 40. And now my 44 year old brother is in the hospital awaiting a course of treatment after having a mild heart attack. He'll either have stents put in his arteries or bypass. I'm sure my brother will be fine because this kind of medical issue is, sadly, common nowadays and very treatable, especially because they caught it before a major heart attack. But it still makes me sad for things I can not change and things I'll never have.

I watched my grandmother - at 80 - enjoy Christmas dinner with her brother. They were 4 years apart. It was so neat to watch them interact and share stories about moving from Newfoundland to Montreal with their parents and sister. My favorite part of extended family gatherings was watching my dad and his sisters tease each other. They do it everytime they get together and have a wee bit too much to drink. (which is always). They joke about how my dad used to get his youngest sister to play poker with him every Saturday morning and swindle her out of her allowance. Or how he used to bully his oldest sister's male suitors.

My brother curently in the hospital has 8 year old twins - a boy and a girl. I watched them finish each other sentences and know exactly how to push each other buttons and I envy it. I want to sit them down and tell them how lucky they are and how they should thank their lucky stars for their closeness, both in age and emotion. But I know they wouldn't get it. I really wish I didn't get it either.

The hands say it all.... or do they?

I'm single and in a new country, starting a new life, and I've noticed some gorgeous males lately. It's LA - everything is pretty.

Whenever someone asked me what I notice 1st on a guy, I used to answer eyes. I love eyes. Blue ones to be precise. But nowadays, I notice hands first. Because chances are any gorgeous charming man my age who is straight may also be married. So I go straight to the hands and look for the ring.

There was this charming and adorable actor I met at a fundraiser. Tall, blue eyes, broad shoulders, no ring. But he did have a wife who showed up at the event moments later. I met another one. Real estate agent. Tall, blue eyes, blonde surfer hair and a flirtatious smile. No ring. But *surprise* he was married.

Why no ring?

I never got into a big enough conversation to feel comfortable asking either of them. But if any one out there has a reasonable explanation as to why a married man wouldn't wear a ring or why you, as a wife, wouldn't care if your husband wore a ring, I'm DYING to know.

See, for me the ring is a BIG part of the commitment. I mean, just don't see any reason at all why a man wouldn't wear a ring. And I wonder if a woman didn't want to wear one if it would be as much of a non-issue as wehn guys do it. Something tells me it would be an issue.

Here's the thing about the ring - it lets the rest of the women know not to waste their time flirting with you. (from a single female perspective I appreciate knowing not to waste my time).

And call me old-school or paranoid or what have you but not wearing a ring smacks of "I don't want anyone to know I'm not available"

And so if you marry me you have 2 options:

1) Wear a ring. Gold, Silver, Platinum, Tatanium, Tin foil - whatever

or

2) Get the word MARRIED tattooed across your forehead. (and you don't get to grown bangs, ever).

Am I unreasonable or old fashioned? What's up with the No Ring Trend?