Short List

I have never:

• made my own wine
• been a bridesmaid
• been a bride
• dated someone for their money
• gotten over it

I have:

• drank homemade wine
• been a last minute maid of honour
• proposed marriage
• dated someone for their looks
• gotten over it

She Works Hard For It

Teeny tiny ranty.

Okay, what I do to make money to pay for the things that don't earn me money but bring me joy isn't rocket science, it's barely brain surgery but it's not without it's difficulties - have you ever had to be nice to everyone you come in contact with for 8 hours straight? Try it. Not so easy, is it?
Do me a favour, the next time you're speaking with a customer service rep (CSR as those of us in the biz call us in the biz) make the assumption that they know:
a) how to do their job
b) how to spell
c) how to count
d) if they don't know how to do a, b or c they will transfer you to someone who does

I know how to do my job. I was hired to do it and as long as I keep doing it right I'll keep getting paid. I like money so I'm going to keep doing my job right. I'm rather Pavlovian that way. So unless you sign my paycheque, please, PLEASE do me a favour and keep your job pointers to yourself.

Thank you.

Merry Ho Ho

I'm sitting alone in my apartment in Sherman Oaks, California and will be doing the same tomorrow morning. This year I've chosen to spend Christmas alone. This year, even though I have to be in Vancouver - near family and friends - on Jan 5 and the industry here has shutdown and there is no need for me to still be in Cali.... I am in Cali.

It sounds so very martyr-ish but I assure you, I am thrilled. The holidays have never been a happy time for me in fact they are dreaded. My family puts the FUN in Dysfunctional. And I don't blame the fully - I add to the dysfunction by becoming this version of myself that I hate everytime I am around them. I don't know why or how to stop it so this year, I am avoiding them all together. They will be better off but more importantly I will be.

My plans included hiking Fryman Canyon, making an yummy eggs and hasbrown breakfast with my favorite Trader Joe's Authentica Salsa, heading to the beach with the dog, coming home eating junk food and watching Gale Harold movies until I pass out.

However according the the weather reports, the Weather Gods seem to have alternative plans. It's suppose to pour rain all day tomorrow. And judging by the overcast sky I see out my bedroom window, I believe the meteorologists are dead on this time.

Well I have news for the Weather Gods..... I'm a Canadian girl. I've lived in Montreal through ice storms and Vancouver through an almost 30-day downpour. Whatever you can throw at me in California I can handle. I know how to use my windsheild wipers. I own 3 umbrellas and a pair of rubber boots. My Chihuahua has a gortex raincoat.

So bring it on Weather Gods. I'm going to have the Christmas I dreamed of whether you like it or not.

A Little Story

I wrote this a year or so ago. Thought I'd share it here:

NOTHING DRIES IN A BASEMENT

Day 37
I am still waiting for my laundry to dry. The clothes I washed two weeks ago are still hanging limp and lifeless in the bathroom desperately trying to shake off the last dregs of moisture. Even the towel I removed from the dryer two days ago, the one that was so dry it had become like a black hole for moisture - all dampness within its vicinity sucked into it and none able to escape - has succumbed to the creeping wetness. I have decided to limit myself to no more than two showers a week lest I start to grow mold.

I can hear the wind through the treetops outside, gentle breezes tickling the fat green leaves of the chestnut trees. I know there is sunshine as well as I can see tiny slivers of its golden majesty creeping around the base of the high windows.

There is no chance for me to explore the outside world as the spiders have barricaded the front door. I no longer sleep for longer than 10 minutes at a time for fear that I be wrapped in their gossamer threads, paralyzed by terror and silk.

The other day I held one of the woolen sweaters that my mother made for me so many years ago. I cried a little, remembering the cold arctic winds of my youth that would dry your skin clean off your bones if you weren't properly attired. I dream of the sterilizing winters that would blanket the world in nocturnal bliss and the roaring fires that would burn away whatever pests and pestering thoughts managed to crack through the hard shell of winter.

Day 56
I did battle with the spiders today. It was a hard fought battle and while the war is not won, I have most definitely taken a large chunk out of their numbers and their morale.

For the first time I have used my biggest enemy to my advantage. While taking my bi-weekly shower I noticed a group of spiders in the upper right hand corner of the stall. I could see them looking at me, moving furtively around, planning their next attack. I stole from the shower and dipped into the kitchen all the while leaving the shower running. I returned to the bathroom with a medium sized bowl. While standing outside the shower, I filled the bowl with water and flung the contents upward into the nest of arachnids. I could almost hear their screams of surprise and before they had chance to understand what was happening I mercilessly attacked over and over and over again, not giving them a moment to gain footing or shoot webbing to save themselves or their offspring. With the drain cover removed there was no other option but for them to be flushed down into the bowels of the sewer system.

I can see the spiders in the corners of the bathroom that are furthest from the shower creeping further back, knowing that venturing to the stall for life sustaining water will surely end in death.

I hear rumour of an apartment in the west end, fifth floor and south facing windows. I want to believe but I fear, like so many other stories of above ground, well-lit apartments before them, this one too is pure fiction.

Pray for me.

Joke

I like practical jokes.
The way I see it, in these tough economic times a person needs a joke they can rely on, not one of those luxury jokes that will fall apart in a month.

Bully That

I've been thinking about bullies a lot lately. I wasn't ever bullied as a kid, I was teased a bit by my friends but never bullied. It seems that the older I've gotten the more I've encountered bullies in my life. I believe that 9 times out of 10 it's easier to ignore and move on than to fight back. Perhaps it's that attitude that has drawn the bullies to me, somehow making them think that I'm a pushover and an easy target. The bullies in my life (and those thinking about becoming part of my life) should realize that just because I avoid conflict it doesn't mean I won't defend myself when push comes to shove. And honey, I know how to shove.

I've realized that bullies are just jealous - I know to some of you that's not news but to me it is. You have something they want. When you were a kid it was something tangible like a toy or your lunch money but the older you get the less defined the thing becomes. The bully now wants your job, your pretty hair or your easy spirit.

The Modern Day Bully (for lack of a better name) will sneak into your life with the subtlety of a Trojan Horse. You'll know something big has just walked into the room but you won't know what it holds until it's too late.

At first the MDB will be just like anyone else and you will genuinely believe that they want to be your friend and there's a good chance that they do but there's a better chance that they're just looking for kinks in your armor.

The MDB will use kindness to get from you what they want. They don't understand that what they are trying to steal is not something that can be taken (and yet had they asked, MDB would realize it was something you were willing to give away freely) so they will feel like kindness has failed them. It is at this point that they may decide to destroy what they can't have.

Chances are at this point the MDB is a part of your day-to-day life (having bullied their way in and all) so you may not feel comfortable abruptly cutting them out of your life. This is when they move on to Stage 2: Mean Face.

Mean Face involves being mean to your face but sweet as pie to your friends. This is not them being overly mean but just throwing little clumps of emotional dirt at you. Sometimes you will notice and sometimes you may not but either way, it's been ground into the fabric of your self. This sets up a divide and conquer tactic for the MDB. You are now slowly being isolated, you can't complain to your friends about MDB because "What?! Are you kidding me? Mean? I just don't see it! They're just so sweet!" is most likely the reaction you will get. This sets them up to move into Stage 3: Stabby Mc EgoPop.

Stabby McEgoPop involves MDB bringing Mean Face into public view. You'll start to get jabs from MDB when you're out with friends. Some jabs might slide by, some of your friends may even laugh along. Be warned, if you retaliate you will most likely be met with "What?! I was just joking! Can't you take a joke? Sheesh!". MDB is now setting up your friends to see that you are weak, spineless, worthless and can't laugh at yourself while slowly chipping away at your ego. MDB knows timing better than the best Swiss watchmaker. They know when you've been dumped, had a bad day at work - remember they are technically still your friend at this point - so their jabs will come when your defenses are down.

MDB is now in a position where they feel they have the upper hand. A good friend once asked me "Do you want to be right or be happy?" Most times it's nicer to be happy, even when you know you're right. I've found that being happy tends to deflect a lot of the negative effects caused by MDB and will thwart some of their plans to dominate and destroy your life.

At this point you have realized that you have a full blown MDB and are trying to figure out how to rid yourself it. One easy way is the phase out. Stop returning every call, take your time responding to their emails, have plans more often than not when they want to go out. There may be some backlash and MDB may even try to steal your friends. Sometimes they will succeed. Don't be too sad about the loss, 7 times out of 10 the friends they steal will take on your role as The Bullied and will see the err of their ways and come back. The other 3 friends? Meh, you're better off without them.

An easier way to get rid of them is the MDB Self-Destruct. This takes no effort on your part whatsoever. MDB will see your passive, happy behaviour as an open door to your life for them to take and take and take some more. At some point they will believe that they are All Powerful and Indestructible, which, most of us know, is the ego equivalent of washing down a handful of Pop Rocks with a bottle of Coke. KABOOM! Eventually they get too big for their britches and everyone around them sees that the MDB wears no clothes.

If you're lucky you'll see the early signs of MDB when you meet them. I have a tendency to give everyone the benefit of the doubt and while it hasn't always worked out best for me, I'm not going to stop any time soon. But I now know what to look for so I'm walking a little less blindly through life.

American History

It's a very historic time to be living in the United States. Tomorrow night may be the night that America elects their first black President. It's also the first time a female is listed on a ballot as Vice President.

Now I could go on and on about the Presidential race and list a thousand reasons why Obama-Biden is the only hope for America and why McCain-Palin would be as big a nightmare as Bush, but I've got another election issue I'd like to address. One that hasn't been getting sketches on SNL.

I live in California and there's this little thing that Californian's are voting on called Proposition 8. Proposition 8, if passed, would change the California Constitution to say that "Only marriage between a man and a woman is valid in the state of California."

Like with all the elections issues there have been a barrage of advertisements for and against this Proposition. Here is an example of a Vote Yes on Prop 8 commercial - a girl comes home from school and tells her mommy that today in school she learned that "a princess can marry a princess and a prince can marry a prince." The mother looks completely horrified and broken. Then the ad claims they are "Restoring Marriage & Protecting California Children."

(I thought about linking to the actual ad but I do NOT want to give it anymore airtime than its gotten. If you want to see it, it's on youtube).

"Restoring Marriage & Protecting California Children."

Really?

Restoring marriage to what...... the blazing glory of the 52% divorce rate heterosexual people have given it?

Protecting children from what? THAT is something I have been really bothered by since seeing the first ad. If my grade 2 student or even my kindergardner came home one day and told me a prince could marry a prince and a princess could marry a princess I would do the following: Tell them that yes, that's right. And then maybe make them an afterschool snack.

If there are any parents out there reading this - can someone please explain to me what would be so horrifying if children knew this little tidbit of information?

If you don't think schools should be teaching children about marriage, okay. Fine. Then make a Proposition that says "California's public education system should not be allowed to teach children about marriage"

But here's the kicker, your little prince or princess is probably going to have a classmate who has 2 dads... or 2 moms. Why not let kids know that their little buddy Johnny isn't a freak because the 2 people that care for him, and love him and look out for him are both women or both men. Taking away johnny's moms or dads the right to be married means your also taking away Johnny's rights to have 2 legal parents. So how, precisely are you protecting children?!

The only thing that's being protected by Prop 8 is ignorant, scared people's right to promote discrimination and hate.

If you're voting in California, please VOTE NO on Prop 8.