Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Cycling is now a Religion

You ride a bike instead of driving a car and suddenly you’re a fucking SAINT. You’re better than me because I drive everywhere. You’re better than transit users because they still omit fumes. It doesn’t matter that you’re creating havoc by riding on the sidewalks, creating hazards by blowing through stop signs and traffic lights or putting yourself in danger by not wearing a helmet. You still think you are better than me. And you think it’s your right to “show me the light”. No you don’t knock on my door like Jehovah Witnesses, but you do something far worse - you gather together in this huge “demonstration” - which could be easily likened to picketing religious zealots at a Gay Pride Parade or an Abortion clinic– called Critical Mass.

These Critical Massholes, as I like to call them, refuse to cooperate with police and city hall (by not giving a route map for their little parade) and proceed to impede traffic including emergency vehicles with their lights on trying to get to a call. They feel it’s THEIR RIGHT to do this because it’s for the greater good. They are trying to get more people on bicycles and out of cars. Because THEY believe it’s what’s best for the world. Some religious folk believe what is best for the world is blowing up abortion clinics – that’s wrong but this isn’t?

Same difference.

Yeah Critical Massholes haven’t killed anyone – that we know of….yet – but someone one day will need an ambulance and they won’t be able to get one because Massholes won’t let it through. A VPD Police officer said he had his lights on trying to get to a call and the Critical Massholes would not let him through. He radioed to have someone else take the call, got out of his car and started giving tickets. Not that any of the Massholes cared – they saw it as a victory. Just like how the religious zealot thinks it’s worth going to jail if he takes a life (abortion Dr) in order to save one (unborn embryo).

Did I mention they break laws continuously by not obeying traffic signals, not wearing helmets, etc.? Yeah I think I did.

Vancouver, the city in which Critical Mass has become a Critical Controversy, has (in the 10 years I’ve been living there part or full-time) shut down an entire lane on one of the busiest commuter bridges in Vancouver so cyclists can have it. They’ve shut down access to streets (like Hornby south of Pacific) so cyclists can have it, they’ve created bike lanes all over the city and mapped out designated bike routes. To me this means that Critical Mass is no longer about cyclist awareness – we know your there and we’re making your life better – it’s about infringing on the rights and safety of others because you think you are better than them.

If this was America these Massholes would be shot or simply run over. (

And sadly, it still might happen here. There is only so much a person can take. Think about it. You don’t know who you’re trapping in their vehicle. People have panic disorders that could cause them to freak out and hit the gas. They could be sick trying to get home. They could have a child to pick up and are late and frustrated. It’s a ticking time bomb. At the last Critical Mass (the last day of every month) I had just had a surgical procedure that week and was suffering from some complications but was at work on the North Shore of Vancouver. I had to ask my boss if I could leave early so I didn’t run into Critical Massholes on my way home. I needed to get home. I was even contemplating heading to the hospital. If I was stopped in traffic surrounded by thousands of Massholes yelling and screaming, with the pain I was in, I would not be responsible for my actions.

You are not better than me because you cycle to work or the grocery store (which I walk to) or wherever the fuck it is you are going on my sidewalks. You don’t care more about the environment than me. I drive an eco-friendly car and walk whenever I can. Furthermore, I obey all traffic laws. I move out of the way for emergency vehicles. I wear my seatbelt. I slow down or stop for pedestrians. I do not drive on the fucking sidewalk or the wrong way down one way streets just because it’s convenient. You are not better than me. You are not getting into “heaven” before me.

You are a Masshole.

1 comment:

Jennie said...

Have you read/heard all about the bike courier killed by the former Ontario Attorney General?
Lines are being drawn here between cyclists and motorists and the tension is mounting. Protests and vigils and everyone has an opinion and isn't afraid to voice it.