Monday, January 11, 2010

Dear NBC

Dear NBC,

You suck. I'm sure this statement comes as no surprise. You know it, I know it and now Conan O'Brien and Jimmy Fallon know it. In fact the only person in the universe who probably doesn't think you suck is Jay Leno. But that's okay because the rest of the intelligent human beings in North America know he sucks too and his opinion counts for diddley.

The fact that Jay Leno ever beat David Letterman in the ratings was something that always stumped me, and disturbed me.... like the shows "My Monkey Baby" or "I didn't Know I was Pregnant". I never understood why people would spend time on something so incredibly sub-par.

But looking back now - especially after the debacle that is The Jay Leno Show at 10pm - I think I have a theory. And since you, NBC, don't seem to have the brain power to see around your egotastic mistakes, I am here to enlighten you.

The world smartened up.

Most importantly, America is smartening up.

Obama is here and he road in on a desire and need for CHANGE. We no longer want to be placated or accept sub-par as the norm. We want people to work for their money. That includes our TV shows.

Exhibit A: Modern Family on ABC.

When this show debuted I was instantly addicted to its smart writing, its unique format and its talented acting. And I was also immediately panicked. I thought for sure that this show was too smart for Americans. That it wouldn't get watched and people wouldn't "get it". Every person I talked to who watched it worried about the same thing.

Well, it's doing fantastic. See, NBC, America has changed.

This is why Jay Leno at 10pm was bound to be a catastrophic mistake. Nobody wants your waterdown, bumbling, hack chin-man anymore. He's not smart enough for us anymore. We want originality, not regurgitated Howard Stern bits. We want intelligent, acerbic commentary on the world, blunt candidness (think David Letterman affair scandal). That haze of pseudo-intelligence, bumbling vagueness and lackluster interviewing Jay Leno forks over isn't good enough anymore.

I understand, dear Peacock, you are trying to get your pretty feathers back in a row by putting Jay back where "he belongs" but seriously, it's over. Let him go. It doesn't matter what timeslot you put him in the stench of failure will follow.

The people who went over to David Letterman, begrudgingly or not, are watching David Letterman now. And they will keep doing so, IMO. Why would they leave a show that hasn't let them down for one that did?

Your only hope is the few die hard dumbasses that still live in small pockets of the US. You know who they are - they're the ones voting Yes on Prop 8 bullshit.... and the ones not watching your only decent show this year (Community). The fact is though, they are dinosaurs - bound for extinction sooner rather than later - and not worth investing your network on.

So do the world a favor - do yourself a favor - give Jay Leno the golden handshake once and for all. And give Conan & Jimmy a chance to find their comedy feet. If you think Conan's ratings are low wait till you put Leno back there.

All the best,


Thursday, November 5, 2009

Hey fatty! It's all relative...

So I am battling the buldge. At least I feel that way. I am 5'7 and 135lbs. This is by all accounts - from doctors, and even sketchy internet websites - is average.

But, average is not MY average.

People always tell me I don't have a right to complain because I'm not actually "big" but for me, for what i weighed the majority of my life compared to now - this is big. And really, just because a great deal of Americans and Canadians are classified as obese it does NOT take away my right to feel chubby. You do NOT have to be 300lbs to feel fat and want to be healthier/smaller and the fact that people judge or disapprove of "average" size people wanting to lose a few is how we became obese to begin with.

I don't want to be Kate Moss or Lindsay Lohan - even I think they are skeletons. But I don't want to be 135lbs either.

Weight's relative. Big for me isn't going to be big for you. And vice versa.

Up until I was 26 years old I weighed no more than 111lbs. I was a size ZERO. I know, you hate me. Here's more reason to hate me, I ate whatever the hell I wanted and was still only 111lbs. I did work out though - a lot - because I had free gym access and thought of it as more of a social activity and a way to hang out with girlfriends.

I never thought about my weight, but I also didn't spend every day of every week eating bags or oreos or only fried foods. I ate saldas because I liked salads. And I've been physically active my whole life. Always played sports, worked out etc. Well, except I never did a sit up in my life, but always had a flat belly. Again, hate me.

Then I moved to a shitty small town for a shittier journalism job on the other side of the country away from all friends and family. My theory, looking back, was that I was so unhappy I tried to eat my way out of the town.

Eventually I just simply drove myself out, but the damage was done. In 11 months I had gained 30 pounds. Now to put this in perspective I went from a size 0 to a size 6. (I'm basing my sizing on Gap jeans since I always wore them).

As soon as I settled in a bigger, better town and a better job, the weight naturally fell away. But not all of it. I dropped to about 125 pounds and a size 4.

Did I feel good? Yes and no. As far as I was concerned, I was still fat. Because for me - it was still bigger than what I was used to. What I had taken for granted. On top of which my body morphed with the weight. I grew hips and boobs and things I didn't have before and am still to this day not comfortable with. I loved my 10 year old boy stick figure. I honestly did.

In the last few months I've gone up to a size 6 again. I weigh about 135 lbs as I stated earlier. I blame this on a desk job and an engagement. Statistics say engaged people gained anywhere from 5 to 15 pounds. Happiness is fattening.

I've thought about asking the fiance to take the ring back for a weekend and pretend to change his mind so maybe I can lose the weight but instead I'm back on a strict exercise regiment.

I'm using's My Plate and Fitness section to monitor my calories and fitness. I'm starting hot yoga today and have been back in the gym at least 2 days a week.

I now actually do sit-ups.

My goal isn't to be 110 pounds again, not because I don't want to be but because I'm a realist and don't think it's possible anymore.

I'd love to be 125lbs. But would settle for 130 lbs. I just want my pants from last year to stop severing my interal organs. I'm hoping to be 130lbs by December 2 - before I go back to LA.

Will I still feel fat? Yeah probably. And if you're not obsese, but still feel fat you can bitch to me all you want. I get it.

Monday, September 21, 2009

August Rush

I watched August Rush last night. Shut. Up. It brought me back to a familiar theme.

I've been thinking about films like that (the music prodigy aspect of it aside, which was actually kind of sweet) quite a bit lately. I mean more the fairy-tale like quality of them, the completely improbable perfect hook-up and resulting love story. If I'd watched a film like that twenty years ago, I'd have fallen for it completely.

These types of films were what dictated our expectations, as young women. Small wonder we are so consistently disappointed by our relationships, if we are expecting this sort of thing to go on.
But then, on the other hand.. how much better is it to develop this thick cynical skin, and not wish for anything of the sort at all. It was interesting to watch myself saying OH COME ON LIKE THAT WOULD EVER HAPPEN..

And so i stopped, and tried for just a moment to get back into that old mindset. It was so illuminating, this stark contrast. This loss of simple hope we carry around, as we get older. I don't mean just romantically speaking, but about life, about the future, about everything.

And so, I am making a conscious effort to increase my average daily level of hope. With thanks to august rush. For crying out loud.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Running For A Reason

I'm participating in the CIBC Run For The Cure this year. I'm not going it alone but running with a team made up of comics from around Toronto. When my friend Ian asked if I'd like to join the team and run for cancer his timing couldn't have been more perfect. I'd been feeling low - still no job, summer turning to fall, closer to another birthday and so on - so it was great to be presented with an opportunity to do something for other people that would shift my focus off my "mohills that seem like mountains" problems.

Now here's the thing; I started training to run the 10K today and I'm HORRENDEOUSLY out of shape, I knew I was out but didn't realize just how far. I have no doubt that my muscle memory will kick in and I'll be slow run/fast walking the 10K with no problem by October 4th.

That's not the problem, the problem is that I've shifted the focus of running back to me. Running for breast cancer research is now a secondary thought "Oh yeah, the cancer, right. But more importantly I'm going to start losing weight and looking better." My chartitable intentions have led me back to my vanity goals.

Does everyone have this problem? Do we as a society and as individuals ever just do a good deed without the thought of what we get out of it? The good feelings, the sense of satisfaction, the bragging rights, the tax write-off, the free lunch...

Day to day good deeds may not be noticed at first but the more you do them the better you feel - provided you're not doing them out of spite or to show off, because when no one notices you'll get bitter and resentful in a big hurry as the attitude and actions of an ex-friend will attest to.

Maybe it's not such a bad thing to do good deeds for slightly selfish reasons. You feel better, they feel better and they'll want to do a good deed for someone which will make that person feel better and they'll go on and do two good things for people and those two people will do good for four good people and I think you get the idea.

If you want to do something nice and feel good about it, feel free to donate to my run here:

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Vegan Diary

Last Entry:

Well, I didn't keep up this diary as well as I would have hoped but I did stay vegan for 2 weeks and am still vegan today (today is day 16). Like I said earlier, it doesn't seem right to put in all that work (not that it was hard - okay it was hard at first and then got easier, I guess the word I'm looking for is effort) just to throw back to my old unconscious eating habits and eat a street vendor hot dog or grilled processed cheese sandwich.

I am now more aware of the food I'm putting in my body and the effect that that food has on me. I'm a little more aware of how my food choices impact the planet. I'm going to do my best to keep eating foods that are nice to both. I know that sometimes my choices will include meat, eggs and cheese but I will try to eat those foods that are raised organically or locally produced.

Thanks to Joan for having a birthday and wanting this as her gift!

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Vegan Diary

Day 8 - August 31/09
Today was uneventful. I don't much miss meat anymore, not like I really at a LOT of it. Another trip around the grocer to make me realize how much there isn't to eat and how much I'm starting to lose my desire for food. It's becoming less of an enjoyment and more of a necessity. Not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Good thing is I am becoming more aware of what I'm putting in my body, losing my desire for junk and food for food's sake.

Day 9 - September 1/09
I'm not feeling so great today. I've had a headache for over three weeks now - something that other people would find disturbing but I'm somehow accustomed to. Though I will admit that now I'm becoming a bit concerned. Good thing I've got a doctor's appointment on Thursday. Not sure if changing my eating habits has helped or hindered in any way - not that it's been a long time, but there could be some withdrawl symptoms going on.
Had a craving for pudding today. Strange that I am starting to crave foods that I don't normally eat. Could be a throwback to my childhood, nostalgia setting in now that fall is coming. My boyfriend and I are having people over for dinner on the 12th and I'm planning on making a peach or apple pie. Again, it's either the vegan challenge or nostalgia that's ramping up my desire to bake. Going to a BBQ on Saturday, thankfully they have a daughter who is a vegetarian so there should be something I can eat. Failing that, I'll just drink my way through the night! Ha!

Day 10 - September 2/09
Contrary to my previous belief, I am NOT losing weight, in fact I feel like I'm gaining some. Ugh. I'm starting to realize that perhaps my past "dieting" techniques may be thwarting my present attempt at getting healthy (and maybe dropping a few pounds in the process). And I'm old, I have to factor that in. I hate being old. Stuff just takes longer when you're old (unlike teenage boys, eh? See, it's an ejaculation joke).
I realized today that the "challenge" of being vegan has worn off and now I just consider myself to be someone who doesn't eat meat, dairy, eggs or anything else from an animal (as for the honey debate, never cared for the stuff much in the first place). Didn't seem to take very long for my brain to make the switch. Maybe somethings happen faster when you get older (like driving up your credit card bill, eh? See it's a joke about women liking to shop when they're no longer having sex)
I do miss the excitement I had for food. I'm sure it's not gone very far, but most of what I liked about eating was the anticipation, the savoring, the creation.

Monday, August 31, 2009

Vegan Diary

This is a diary of my two weeks as a vegan, a present to my friend Joan.
I didn't start this diary until Day 4, Days 1-3 weren't all that interesting except that on Day 1 I went out with friends for dinner at my local where it was 1/2 price wing night and had to use my brain to find dinner instead of just ordering 1 pound cajun dusted with a side of hot sauce.
Here's the story so far...

Day 4 - August 27/09
I'm craving tuna today. Tuna salad on whole wheat bread from a donut store. And cheese, marble, on crackers.
It's silly but I feel like I'm losing weight - might be from my new found fear of any food with more than three ingredients in it. Rice cakes and hummus and guacamole have become my new staples. Thankfully one of my new favourite soups - Baxter's Golden Autumn Vegetable Soup - is both totally vegan and on sale.
Tonight I had a veggie burrito, no cheese or sour cream, and somehow I still feel like I've broken the rules, as if any food I eat and enjoy is somehow wrong. I may be kick starting a whole new eating disorder.

Day 5 - August 28/09
Today I'm a titch hungover, having gone out last night to celebrate a friend's birthday and today I'm craving a big breakfast/early afternoon meal of eggs, bacon, buttered toast and tea with lots of milk. Scrambled eggs with lots of cheese. Rice cakes and hummus, pickles and green tea just don't have the same comforting food effect.
I will say that I've been pooping much more regularly what with all the leafy greens and beans I've been eating. I've also been feeling a lot more creative with my meals. Except right now - potato chips and hummus. We are none of us perfect.

Day 6 - August 29/09
Had brunch today at Sneaky Dee's with a couple of friends I haven't seen in several months. I was a little worried that I'd have to eat dry toast and plain black tea (ugh!) but much to my surprise and delight it turns out that Dee's has both green tea (ah!) and several vegan brunch choices including a vegan version of the Burro Favorito which is exactly what I wanted. My only complaint about my breakfast was that the tofu was cut into strips (and quite thick ones at that) instead of chopped fine so that it mimics the texture of scrambled eggs. As for the potato chips I bought yesterday - technically vegan as they're only safflower oil and potatoes and salt - I was craving salt, but the junkfoody-ness of the chips wasn't quite what I've been wanting. But I'm sure I'll find a way to choke the rest of them down somehow.
For dinner I wound up making vegan burritos with my boyfriend and they were fantastic! Beans, fresh salsa, avocado, lime, onion and cilantro. My boyfriend had his with beef and cheese and when all was said and done he admitted he could have left the beef out of his, but not the cheese. Oh I am SO craving cheese!

Day 7 - August 30/09
Not much to say about today except I'm hungover. Wine, how I love thee...
Today was a day for eating leftover burritos and popcorn dressed with olive oil and salt. I didn't think I'd be able to eat popcorn without butter (oh butter!) but I quite enjoyed it! No cravings for meat or bacon or cheese. My boyfriend asked me what I was going to eat when the two weeks are up and I've decided to hold off going back to my meat eating ways until I can have a good meal, like a fine roast or good steak and some expensive cheese like St. Andre's. It doesn't seem right somehow to do all this "work" just to go back to eating crap.